Lovemaking as Healing

At the Making Love Retreat, one of the foundational teachings we offer is something we call the Love Keys. And there’s a single thread that weaves through everything we explore together—a thread that underpins the entire approach inspired by Diana Richardson. That thread is relaxation.

Relaxation is not just a technique. It's an entry point into a whole new way of experiencing yourself, your partner, and intimacy itself.

When we make love in relaxation, rather than through friction, tension, or performance, something profound happens. The body begins to soften. The nervous system shifts gears—from fight or flight into rest and digest. We enter the realm of the parasympathetic nervous system, where the body starts to feel safe. The heart begins to open. And we experience an expansion—not just as a feeling, but as a lived reality.

This expansion, along with a growing sense of safety, creates the ideal environment for something very real to occur: the emergence of feelings and emotions.

These might rise seemingly out of nowhere—tears, a wave of sadness, a shudder of grief, a moment of anger or shame, even a strange and sudden trembling in the body. This can be surprising, even confronting. But it’s not wrong. It’s not a problem. It’s the body and heart doing what they’ve always longed to do—release.

When lovemaking is rushed, driven by performance or urgency, there's no space for this kind of emergence. We can skate right over it. And some might think, thank goodness—but in our view, this is a missed opportunity. These spontaneous emotional releases are a key component of the profound healing potential of conscious intimacy.

Presence—true, gentle, non-demanding presence—creates safety. And safety allows what’s buried to rise. If we can meet that rising with openness, without trying to fix or suppress it, something beautiful  happens. The feeling moves through. Often in seconds, sometimes minutes. And then… It’s gone.

There may be tears. There may be shaking. There may be an old grief, hidden beneath anger. But if we tense up or fear it, we risk locking it in even further. If we open with it, stay present, let it move, it often leaves as quickly as it came.

This is where the real magic lies.

How to deal with it as feelings arise?

Sometimes all it takes is a pause:
"Can we stop for a moment? Something is coming up for me."

And if you’re the partner, your only job is to be there. Not to fix, not to solve. Just to hold the space. Simply: I’m here for you. Soft eye contact. A touch that says, I’m here. That alone is enough.

This moment of surrender—of allowing, of being seen—doesn’t take away from intimacy. It is intimacy. And it deepens your connection in the most organic and profound way.

In this way, lovemaking becomes something far greater than pleasure or release. It becomes a path of healing—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It becomes a way to tenderly unravel the past, together.

And what could be more beautiful than that?

Give you and your relationship the nourishment it needs. Join me at The Making Love Retreat. 

DISCLAIMER: The information in this blog is not a substitute for professional mental health advice or treatment. Please seek medical advice for physical, mental, and emotional symptoms.